


The Subtle Art of Initiating an Awkward First Kiss Behind the Taco Bell Dumpster With Your Best Friend

by ArsenicSnap (HarperZale)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ?? i guess this is fluff ok, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Taco Bell, an awkward first kiss at that, i love tags, jake has no idea how to function in public without being unnecessarily boisterous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-09-03
Packaged: 2017-11-13 11:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarperZale/pseuds/ArsenicSnap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You fell in love with a doofus.</p><p>----</p><p>Later, you take him out back by the dumpster and kiss him.</p><p>This maneuver does not come off as smoothly as you had dared hope for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Subtle Art of Initiating an Awkward First Kiss Behind the Taco Bell Dumpster With Your Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> a request i got on tumblr and i'm okay with how it turned out so i figured hey why not post this on ao3
> 
> i'm not dead guys
> 
> i'll update my fics one day too i promise
> 
> (one day................)
> 
> (i'm fantastic with titles aren't i)

"I do say, this is some of the most scrumptious cuisine I've ever had the pleasure of sampling!"

"Lower your volume, dude. You're not Martin Luther King, Junior, and this isn't the Lincoln Memorial. These people here came to pig out on eighty-nine cent tortilla diapers stuffed with that processed fecal matter the management somehow tricks the FDA into passing off as meat, not hear you preach about the glorious world of pseudo-Mexican that's just pried open your gummy, culture-shocked eyes."

He's only half listening to you (or maybe a little less than half-- forty-one point three percent, perhaps, estimates your brain out of habit), the rest of his attention concentrated on the crunchy shell laden high with a plethora of toppings that's clutched in his hand. It reminds you of one of those precariously tall city buildings, so close to the scorching sun of Texas that if you stood on the roof and jumped too high, your eyebrows would singe straight off your face.

"If I'd known such fantastic tuck like this existed previously, you could bet your bottom dollar I'd have frequented this place so often that all the staff would know me by name. They're all probably swell folks anyhow, and making friends is never a bad thing. Maybe I'll start doing that."

You don't wince, but you come close. You can practically feel the gaze of the cashier woman as she surveys you across the room. When you'd first arrived in the Taco Bell, Jake had stood in line for centuries longer than necessary, insisting that she give him a full break-down analysis of every single thing displayed on the menu, much to the irritation of the people behind you.

Eventually, you both ended up ordering way more food than the two of you could eat, and then had to stand awkwardly by the soda fountain as it took twenty minutes for all your food to be made. 

Now, with the small paper-wrapped mountain piled before you on the table, Jake talking your head off between (and during) mouthfuls, you're beginning to think that you'll never be able to come back to this particular Taco Bell again without everyone immediately branding you as a leper.

"Keep those pouty lips of yours closed while you're sending this ambrosiac grub on its way to digestion, it makes you about nine percent less attractive when I'm trying to drink in the sight of my eye-candy and it's being marred by the presence of half-chewed taco mush."

He waves you off, laughing about how you always make yourself out to sound like the biggest flirt, even though you actually mean it. You mean everything you say, on some level. 

However, you wouldn't expect him to understand this, while chuckling on his throne atop Mt. Oblivion and prattling off some mindless rant about his childlike two-dimensional views on things.

Jake English is kind of a doofus, after all.

"You're laughing way too loud again, might need to pump the air brakes on your bronchial tube before you make it onto the hitlist of every single patron in this facility. I can already feel the burning from the intensity of their glares searing a hole through our seats."

He rolls his eyes. "You're overexaggerating. I'm sure everyone here is smiling to themselves as they witness the indoctrination of a new member into their little fold. I'd even go as far as to think that they're planning on printing me out an invitation to their next Taco Bell club meeting! Maybe I should go around and introduce myself, so they don't misspell my name on the card."

You fell in love with a doofus.

\----

Later, you take him out back by the dumpster and kiss him.

This maneuver does not come off as smoothly as you had dared hope for.

You interrupt him in the middle of "Strider, I'm afraid I'm a bit bamboozled as to why you've led us out here by this horrendously smelly thing, unless you intend for us to go adventure-diving through the rotting remains of vegetable corpses because you've got good authority that there's some sort of treasure worth discovering hidden in its depths. Which, in that case I'm all for it, but otherwise I'm afraid I'll have to decline on account of the fact that I'll be dirtying up my good clothing for nothing. As you know, my grandma knitted me this sweaterneck, and I doubt she'd appreciate it if--"

You kiss him, because all his babbling is ruining the moment and you just want him to shut up for a second and pay attention to you.

Unfortunately, you haven't had much experience in the art of attaching your lips to another's, and you mentally kick yourself for somehow not seeing this complication in foresight.  
His buck teeth clack painfully against yours and your noses squish awkwardly against one another, but the important thing is that he doesn't immediately pull away (which, admittedly, is already going better than a couple of the scenarios that you've played out in your head before now).

He's still there, so you take that as the signal to try and fix this horrible clusterfuck before it completely ruins your reputation as being one suave motherfucker for the rest of your relationship.  
You try and tilt your head to stop your noses from the little bump-fest they've got going on, but then your shades and his glasses crash together and wow you are really, really bad at this.

The only good thing is that Jake is also really, really bad at this.

He bites your tongue and then snorts when you try to sensually wrap your arms around him because he's ticklish in his ribcage. When you realize he still tastes like nachoes and fire-roasted border sauce, you decide to cut your losses and pull out before this ship can sink any further.

He starts laughing exactly two and three tenths of a second after you release him, as you wipe your face clean of the gross Taco Bell drool on your chin.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected," he manages after his laughter subsides, and you pretend that your face isn't currently smarting the exact shade of Roxy's favorite cardigan. "I never expected you to be such a fumbler of a kisser!"

"Practice makes perfect, as the tragically washed-out motivational quip goes. Have you considered the idea that I just may need to sharpen my skills more through experience?"

It's as close as you'll ever come to asking him out, you realize. Though you may have a boatload of speeches at your arsenal right now, all carefully constructed in your heavily-laden metaphorical satire, rattling off the perfect essay on why he should consider you for a romantic partner, you can't seem to remember the beginning of one right now. Not a single one. Your mind is running on backup reserves, the main branch completely derailed for the moment.

You watch him as he considers it, for once in his life, understanding the implications of what you've said. Your palms are sweaty but you keep them loose by your side, not a single clue in your demeanor that could give away the jittery dance your heart is currently thumping.

It's obvious when he reaches his decision.

\--

The second time you try, you're both a lot better.


End file.
